Something Special.

My mom pulled me aside today.
To discuss me being on my own in college very soon.
Like usual, there were the intimate “I’m going to miss you” remarks and warm hugs.
But also she mentioned something that…I never thought she would say.

“College is the right time to start new.”

At first I wondered, if she had said this because she was unhappy with how I was currently. I mean besides my messiness, I really couldn’t think of anything that could be displeasing to her. But after a few more comments and reasons from her for why she had said it, I understood. She wanted me to let myself relax.

She understood that time at home (especially during these later years) were not what I wanted to be. With constant stress and pressure from my dad, I never really got the chance to decide what I wanted.

Now taking what she said into consideration, I’m going to start new.
No, I won’t let go of the work ethic and determination that I had during junior year of high school (and kinda set aside during senior year and this semester at DVC). I’m going to bring it back. But also, with that, I am going to finally decide things for myself.

I have so much I need to consider.

• Is business what I want?
• What role do certain people play in my life?
• What kind of organization/people do I wanna place myself with?
• Can I keep music with me? Will music get me anywhere?

Anyway, on a different note, why do I still feel like I want to cry? There’s something in the back of my mind, something in my head, something inside me that I can’t seem to put my finger on. What do I want to say? What is it, Pat? Even I can’t seem to answer it. I’m complicated. If crying is the solution, then shit. Let me cry a river. PLEASE. Just get rid of this feeling.

Lastly, I won’t end this post in such a depressing tone.
January 13th! Mark your calendars.
I shall be arriving at Unit 3 Residence Hall in Berkeley. My sisters both stayed there and say its closest to campus, and both enjoyed being there.
It’s gonna be my living space for 5 months. Mwahaha. I’m curious to know who my roommate is going to be. I hope he’s not anti-social…or MEAN. D:

Haha. Anyone want to help me move in?

Thanks for reading this long post, even if it was just out of complete curiosity. :]

I’m going to stab this Calculus book with all my might.

I wanted to see you tonight.
It was disappointing that I couldn’t.
BUT the fact that you tried, asked your parents, and tried to leave, for just me.
Made me feel…

Special. :]
I love you.

I watched Twilight: New Moon today with B and B’s family.
Oh well. Haha. It only reassured me, that I’m not into that series, or at least that kinda movie.
However, I found it hilarious how there were a million teenage girls screaming when Taylor Lautner took his shirt off. Bahahaha.

Tonight, I’ll close my eyes.
Tomorrow will be better.
But sometimes, I wish I’d just sleep forever.